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WHEN SHE SAYS THANK U

December 11, 2024

WHEN SHE DOES SAY THANK YOU!

I have shared my feelings of inadequacy, feelings of guilt, hostility and anger. I have written about the things for which I am Grateful and for those whom I am Thankful. I have even mentioned how the fact that my Mom rarely says, “Thank You” is chipping away at my self-confidence. But today something happened.

My Mother said, “Thank You,” with a big smile on her face when I tuned the television to a station that she wanted to watch.

And at that moment, I realized that she does say “Thank You.” And she actually says it quite often. The crazy thing is, she doesn’t say “Thank You” for the things that I think that she should be Grateful for; however, I have just realized that she does say “Thank You” for the things she is in fact Thankful for.

She always expresses extreme gratitude whenever I “fix” the Television or the Remote which is never really broken.

And she smiles from ear to ear when I bring her dessert or snacks unexpectedly. And it is always unexpected because I am a Wanna-Be Chef who does not bake, hence no desserts. And I am committed to my California lifestyle where if one does eat snacks, they are healthier than just designed to satisfy a craving for salty snacks or sweets. You should see how her face lights up when I toss a box of raisins her way.

She says “Thank You” when I help her with her bra or fasten her earrings.

My problem is that her “Thank You” doesn’t always seem sincere.

Every day (or almost every day) while she is in the shower, I make her bed. When she comes out of the shower to enter her room, she says, “Thank You for making my bed.” That appreciation is important because even on days when I don’t want to make my bed, I make hers. We were encouraged to make our beds daily before leaving the house and certainly before getting back into bed. It is a habit she instilled in us; therefore, I feel the need to continue the action since she is unable to do so herself.

The thing is, she just says it automatically. I know this because there have been several occasions when she has said, “Thank You for making my bed.”

And my response is, “I didn’t make it.”

“Oh,” she replies simply.

She just says, “Thank You” before even noting whether or not the bed is in fact made. You can see why that “Thank You” seems just a tad insincere.

She always says, “Thank You,” when I hand her a bagged lunch on the day she volunteers at Church. And when she returns, she often says “Thank You” for a specific luncheon item—like homemade apple sauce.

The thing is she doesn’t say “Thank U,” for unclogging and cleaning the toilet BEFORE I must go to the bathroom some mornings.

She rarely says, “Thank U,” when I have prepared one of her favorite meals which is usually something I don’t want to eat.

She never says, “Thank U,” when I get up out of a semi-sound sleep to help her or keep her from falling.

She doesn’t say, “Thank U,” whenever she interrupts me from doing something for her in order to do something else for her at that very moment.

My Mother’s “Thank You’s” are few and far between and never occur when I really need Thanks.

Like, “Thank U” for giving up your life to take care of me.

Or, even, “Thank U” for taking on the housekeeping duties and making sure that I live in a safe clean environment.

I would really appreciate a “Thank You,” when I have accompanied her on one of her unnecessary Medical adventures.

There is never a “Thank U,” for being a good daughter and helping me.

These are the “Thank You’s” that I never actually receive.

She says, “Thank You” when I turn her light off at night because the light switch is not close to her bed and would require her to get out of bed to turn out.

I have come to the conclusion that she says, “Thank You,” for the things that are her immediate priority and all else is a service in which she believes she is entitled.

After all, she does fancy herself a Queen, which would make me her royal subject. And a subject—royal or otherwise—cannot expect to receive any sort of Gratitude.

As a Caregiver, I just must accept that I may never receive the Thanks I deserve, especially from the person for whom I am providing care.

My Mother is fine, she is well taken care of—whether she ever says, “Thank You.”