SANDWICH ANYONE?
The definition of “sandwich” according to Miriam-Webster’s dictionary is as both a noun and a verb.
As a noun, a sandwich is two or more slices of bread or a split-roll having a filling in between.
As a verb, meaning to insert or enclose rather tightly in between two articles.
And then there is the “sandwich generation” which are people who are caring for their aging parents while supporting their own children.
None of these meanings or definitions resonate with me at all. Not at all! Although I am quite old enough to be a parent; I am also old enough to know better. Therefore, I am single with no children. Although I do feel “squeezed, forcibly inserted and tightly enclosed” into a Caregiver situation.
Someone once suggested to me that being a Caregiver was much like being a Mother; however, she intimated that being a Mother was much more difficult. I beg to differ!
Beg to differ—I disagree completely! Let’s look at things from my point of view.
Since I am not a Mother; my point of view in this particular situation is that of the child. As I often tell my Friends who are married with children, “I only have the child’s point of view.” And I say that right before I take their kid’s side in the situation at hand. And such is the case now.
I am not a member of the “sandwich generation.” I don’t have any children in my home. I was not the popular babysitter in the neighborhood, I have no “little” brothers or sisters. There are no children in my world other than younger Cousins, and I have been quoted in saying, “I didn’t like teenage girls when I was one!” And so, I do not meet the necessary qualifications to belong to the “sandwich generation.”
And as a non-member of the “sandwich generation,” I am not cool with taking on the parenting role. I am especially not interested in taking on a parenting role while still offering the respect, admiration, and obedience expected by my elder parent. For me, it’s basically one or the other.
I don’t have any experience as a parent upon which to draw. I don’t know how to ‘flip’ roles and act as a guardian. I have just recently begun to perfect the art of taking care of me and now I have been thrust into this role as Caregiver.
I don’t even have any pets. I owned a 50-gallon fish tank which was absolutely beautiful but held NO fish. I don’t typically sign up to take on roles which require me to take care of others—pets or people. I do however accept Leadership positions in business, but I did not sign up to be lead Caregiver.
That is why I don’t see the comparison between being a Mom and being a Caregiver. For the most part, woman sign up to be Moms. It is a conscious decision. There is a desire to create a little person dependent upon their nurture and love.
I didn’t sign up for Motherhood in any manner. I did not fall in love, get married and consent to having a child to look out for forever. No, I did not. As a matter of fact, up to this point, I have made a conscious decision not to do so.
All Caregiver’s do NOT fall into this group—the sandwich generation. And those of us square pegs who do not fit into the round hole, obtain no solace from the words of wisdom of parents who are now Caregiver’s for their older parents.
They don’t understand!
I am not experiencing each day conveniently juggling in between the needs and desires of my own Children and those of my Mom. I am forced to navigate in-between my Mother as she unrealistically views herself and the reality of who my Mother is now—mentally and physically.
My feelings of resentment, contempt, misunderstanding, and frustration are not those of a parent. My feelings are those of a child. A child who has become a Caregiver.
Sandwich Generation—not me. I’m more of a soup & salad kind of girl.
Another great article caregivers. Let’s do lunch; soup and salad please.
Definitely!