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SELFISH SELFLESS SIBLINGS

January 29, 2025

SELFISH SELFLESS SIBLINGS

The words, “Selfish” and “Selfless” are both adjectives as defined by Miriam-Webster’s dictionary. Adjectives used to describe an individual’s behavior.

To be “Selfish” is to be concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself. This person seeks and concentrates on one’s own pleasure or well-being without regard for others.

While being “Selfless” is the exact opposite. It is having and showing great concern for other people with little or no regard for oneself.

In any Family requiring a Family Caregiver consisting of more than one child, there will be both a Selfish and a Selfless Sibling.

My Brother, who is not our Mother’s Caregiver currently resides in the City that he loves—New York. While the City that I call home, Los Angeles, is 3754 Miles away.

Since I’ve been acting Caregiver, My Brother has gotten married. I literally have no time nor energy to even date.

Every morning, I wake up to look forward to a day revolving completely around my Mother. I don’t even have time to wonder what he wakes up thinking.

Here in New England, it is 15 (fifteen) degrees with a wind-chill factor below zero and snow on the ground. My Brother is currently enjoying tropical temperatures while on vacation frolicking in the sand, sea and sun.

I have been described as a Dutiful Daughter. Does that make him a Selfish Son?

Synonyms for “Selfish” are egotistical, self-centered, self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

Synonyms for “Selfless” are compassionate, thoughtful, unselfish and Noble.

Does the Selfless Sibling sacrifice themselves for the Selfish Sibling?

Or…

Does the Selfish Sibling sacrifice to allow their Sibling to be Selfless?

I don’t know. It sometimes appears that the Selfless Sibling makes life changing sacrifices. While the Selfish Sibling seemingly retains their own life.

24-hour Caregiver is a tremendous, draining, heavy responsibility. An experience which my Brother has not actually had the honor of enjoying.

On the rare occasion when he has had the Caregiving responsibility, it has not even been close to what I incur on a daily basis. When visiting New York, they spend the majority of time in a Hotel. Caregiving in a hotel with Room Service, Housekeeping and a variety of Restaurants is clearly not the same!

Although, I did get a chuckle when he complained of having to deal with a clogged toilet. Chuckle—who am I kidding? I laughed out loud for days! And the thought still brings a smile to my face.

The moral of the story is this…

One is either Selfless or Selfish long before there was a need for a Family Caregiver. Accept the adjective that best describes you knowing that roles can and often do change.

If you are the Caregiver, being Selfless is not only who you are; it’s what you do. It is the reason why you and not your Sibling is the Caregiver. Caregiving can be a heavy load but as far as my Sibling is concerned–he ain’t heavy, he’s, my Brother.