ONLY CHILD?
Siblings or not, as a Caregiver you often feel as if you are an only child.
Why is that? You may wonder but the reason is simple. When it comes time to fill the role of a parent’s Caregiver, there is usually one child who steps up reluctantly or not and puts on the Caregiver shoes. It happens in the movies. I have seen it in real life. The statics confirm it, and I am living it now.
I have a Brother. I had two Brothers, but our Brother Marc died when we were younger—too young, and that is another story. Anyway, I have a Brother. And we are extremely close because the three of us were always close and now there are just the two of us. We know that we are blessed to still have each other. And we act accordingly.
Ask any of my Friends and they will tell you that my Brother is my Best Friend. We speak almost every day. We laugh at the same things. We think a lot alike, and we essentially see the world through similar eyes. Out of all the people in this world, I have known him and loved him the longest. We know each other very well.
So where is he now, while I am here as our Mother’s Caregiver? Well, when people ask that question, I quickly reply, “One of us has to have a normal life and at this moment, it’s him!” And I believe that with all of my heart. Especially since that question typically comes from someone who has never been in this situation.
When my Mom had the stroke which put her in the condition she is in now, we were both here. We had been visiting and literally got “stuck” here due to COVID. We were grateful that we were both here at the time and we managed things together. As soon as the travel restrictions were lifted and New York opened its borders, my Brother returned to his beloved city. And he has been there ever since.
That is not unusual in Caregiver circumstances. In real life, I witnessed a Family of 6 Siblings (5 girls and 1 boy) where one of the women became the primary Caregiver hoping that her 5 Siblings would “take turns.” That happened a couple of times—they had a rotating schedule where the other Siblings gave the primary Caregiver a break. And then not so much. She was left alone to carry the burden on her shoulders.
Any Lifetime movie dealing with this subject will recreate similar situations. Although in those Movie renditions, the Caregiving Sibling is usually trying to obtain a greater share of any inheritance. And since it’s a made for TV movie, murder is often involved. Whatever the motive, the situation remains the same.
Statistics show that in over 87% of families finding themselves in the position of needing an “Unpaid Relative,” to become a Caregiver, the responsibility falls solely upon one Sibling. It is what it is—in the Movies and in Real Life.
My Brother provides the best support he can give—spiritual and emotional support. He knows the situation and all the Players (me as Caregiver and my Mom as herself) and therefore he is uniquely qualified in this area. And he knows that the only reason that he is able to live any semblance of a normal life is because I am here as our Mother’s Caregiver.
He too is Creative—a Writer, Entertainer and Producer. He has produced over 25 YouTube videos during my time as a Caregiver. He has developed a following and is now courting Agents. I am thrilled that my Brother is able to be creative. And whenever I watch his videos or read his writing, I know that I am doing the right thing.
My Brother is always available to listen which honestly, I think he owes me to do. He is incredibly supportive of my Creative endeavors and encourages me daily to Write and take time for myself. Actually, when I am most frustrated his advice is, “Leave! Just leave!” But he expresses that sentiment knowing that I will not, “just leave.” We need to have a plan. And so that’s where we are now.
I do have a Brother. I love my Brother and God knows I would not be able to do “this” without him.
But as I go through my daily duties of Caregiver, I often feel like I am an only child.
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