NOTICING CHANGES
“Hey, You know that I’ve been here for a week…”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think that Mommy can live alone anymore.”
My Brother was silent and so I continued to explain the situation.
“She’s burning cast iron pans—just leaving them on the stove. She’s very easily distracted by the TV and she’s making very odd decisions. Can you come?
“I’ll be there this weekend.”
That was a summary of a conversation that I had with my Brother at the beginning of this Caregiving journey. That was the beginning of “noticing changes.”
My Brother arrived and for the most part agreed with my assessment.
Now what?
My Mother was living in an Independent Senior Living Community (where she still resides today) and it was increasingly clear that her needs may require an Assisted Living situation where there was support, medical assistance in addition to community meals and social activities.
The Manager of the Independent Living Community agreed with the assessment having witnessed my Mom falling down in the Lobby. She insisted that my Mom would have to move if we were not able to provide constant care. At the time it was clear that the constant care would be provided by either my Brother or myself.
Long story short, that’s how we have arrived at a time and place where I am my Mother’s Caregiver.
I have investigated all options to provide support physically and financially. Yet still, the solution to the current challenge is indeed Me!
I’ve been my Mother’s acting Caregiver for a while now. No need to specify the exact timing as I find it extremely depressing. But over the time period, I have noticed changes.
I’ve noticed changes in her physically and mentally. Physically, due to a series of strokes, she is unsteady on her feet and must walk with the assistance of a Walker. She can handle her personal hygiene—showers and getting dressed, alone (with minimal help from me). However, she has totally lost the ability to cook, clean, grocery shop, or to complete any household chores. I do EVERYTHING!
Mentally, she is losing critical decision-making skills. Ok, that may be a tad harsh. She very much has the function of her brain cells, but she makes what I think are “odd” decisions. And she definitely does not think as quickly on her feet as she used to, although she is always ready with a smart-ass comment or observation. My Mom is totally in her right mind, which is both a blessing and a curse.
But lacking the ability to see situations realistically leads her to make questionable decisions. I have been challenged to convince her to see things as they truly are in an effort to assist in making good choices. This requires CONSTANT thinking, evaluating, explaining and implementing such choices. This is because of noticing changes in her mental capacity.
The latest physical changes are indicating a new level of care is needed. My Mom has fallen a few times. And when she falls, she is unable to get up without assistance. I weigh 100 pounds soaking wet with all my clothes and boots on; therefore, I am only able to provide limited assistance.
Oddly, my Mother seems to bounce when she falls. She doesn’t hit her head or sustain any injuries—she simply falls and can’t get up. I usually position the Walker in such a manner that she can use it to arise and put on the brakes. Once I determine that she is steady, she can pull herself up (with a little help from me) and get to safety. As you may be aware, falling after 60 years of age can be hazardous to one’s health. Falling is the leading cause of death amongst older Americans. By the age of 85, two thirds (66%) of deaths are caused by injury related falls.
When the Caregiver notices change, the changes are obvious and quite evident; because it is difficult to notice changes when you are present day in and day out.
And when one notices changes, decisions need to be made.
‘Hey Bro.”
“I’ve noticed changes in Mommy—physically, and mentally. Now what are we going to do?”
“CH-CH-CH-CH CHANGES – TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE – CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES”
“CHANGES” – DAVID BOWIE
https://youtu.be/BPPSu0vaNWA?si=2XRzZHv86K1MS3E8
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “CAREGIVING HAS CHANGED ME”
https://youtu.be/gjE5jmeNRXk?si=vDNl1qjcFkCsuips
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE BLOG
A CAREGIVER’S NOTES ON BEING ME.. – A Caregiver’s Conscience
Changes (2015 Remaster)
Song by
David Bowie
Oh-yeah
Still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets, and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, don’t wanna be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
Oh-yeah
I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream of warm impermanence, and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, where’s your shame?
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah, changes are taking the pace I’m going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, oh, look out you rock ‘n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes, pretty soon now you’re gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time
Songwriter: David Bowie.
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