Is it me? The Caregiver asks… 
IS IT ME?
Is it me? Or is she doing these things on purpose? As my Mother’s Caregiver, I ask myself this question multiple times throughout the day.
The day generally begins with morning chores of emptying the trash, washing the dishes, and administering medication.
The trash which had previously been emptied the night before is full of used Depends in the morning. So maybe she has no control over the multiple times that she goes to the bathroom during the night, but does every trip require a brand new Depend? Perhaps.
The new dishes in the sink include 2 coffee mugs, spoons, a Cereal bowl, knives, and a plate. This pile-up occurs before 8 AM. Mind you the night before EVERY dish in the sink had been washed. Even the dinner dishes that she brings in AFTER I have washed all the pots, pans and utensils used to prepare the meal.
There is a point towards the end of the day when all the dishes are washed, dried and the dish pan turned over to indicate that “I am done with dishes for the day!” It is at that exact time; she brings in more dishes. Done on purpose? I think so since you can clearly see and hear that I am washing dishes when I am doing so.
Although the medication arrives pre-packed in the specific doses needed for the morning, my Mother is not able to administer them herself. She finds it difficult to open the packages and when she is able to do so, the pills invariably fall all over the floor. If she has done it herself and I ask, “Have you taken your medication?” She snipes back, “Yes I have,” with an attitude that is best described as snarky.
It is not my medication. Her last stroke was a direct result of not taking her medication; therefore, making sure that she takes her meds is a priority in keeping the Patient alive! Yet she acts as if, taking or not taking her prescribed medications affects me directly. I suppose in a way it does.
Anytime around mealtime, I ask, “Are you hungry?”
She routinely replies, “No,” in a voice which I know is not telling the truth at the moment. Especially since she always seems to be hungry at the pre-determined mealtimes of the day.
“Are you sure, because I am ready to prepare something now.”
“Yes, I’ll have a little something.”
A little something which requires me to prepare an entire meal. A meal that consists of her favorite entrée items. A meal that would win, place, or show in any Cooking Competition. Yet a meal that she never seems to appreciate.
By special request (from me) my Mother doesn’t shower when there is no one else in the house. She generally takes a shower in between two of her favorite programs in the morning and I try to time my trips to Starbucks to accommodate that time. However, when she sees that I am up, dressed and ready to hit the road to Starbucks, she announces that she is going to take a shower now—totally off schedule.
Initially, I would forego my trip to Starbucks to allow her to take a shower at her newly preferred time, but now, not so much. Especially since, I know she does that simply to annoy me and screw up the plans that already revolve totally and completely around her! When she does take a shower, I just wish, hope and pray that I don’t have to use the Lady’s Room during that time.
On the days when I do have something specific to do, a plan that involves just me, my work or running errands (mainly for her) with my Cousin, she declares that she has arranged for someone to come over or made a commitment that I have to keep—once again for her!
People try to tell me that she is not doing these things on purpose. I beg to differ.
Let’s take the “Flushable Wipes.” Each and every time that she used them (multiple wipes at a time), the toilet has overflowed. Each time she insisted that she only used one wipe. NOT! So, after repeatedly waking up having “to go” yet having to deal with a clogged toilet first, I hid the Wipes, and now they are no longer on the shopping list.
And what about the Raisin Bran? There are only two brands; yet after switching back and forth between the two, I still purchase the wrong brand. You can’t tell me that she doesn’t swap favorites between the two simply saying that I have once again bought the wrong brand no matter which brand it is. I refuse to believe that it’s me—she does that on purpose!
In case you’re wondering, she does not have dementia and has complete control over her mental faculties. But what about me?
If I wasn’t already a little crazy, I just might go insane having to go through the days wondering,
“Is it Me?”
Shaggy – “It Wasn’t Me”
“A CAREGIVEAR’S CONSCIENCE – THE PODCAST”
“A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE-the BLOG”
It is not you
Thank U. I needed that validation. Especially since my day began with a clogged toilet! 😒