CAREGIVING WITH ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME
So, in addition to being my Mother’s Caregiver, there is apparently something called, “Eldest Daughter Syndrome.” From which I also seem to suffer.
According to the Doctor who penned the article, “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is a pattern that most often occurs in the oldest daughter of a family. This term is used to describe the experiences and challenges that can be unique to the eldest female child in a family.
Really? I would have ignored the entire article if I hadn’t immediately noticed my personal behavior in each and every headline identifying the characteristics of the Eldest Daughter.
- You have an intense feeling of responsibility
And due to this intense feeling of responsibility, I have ended up as my Mom’s Caregiver.
- You have a Type A personality
I definitely have a Type A personality—it’s what made me so successful in the business world. And it is that Type A personality that allows me to get everything I need done as a Caregiver.
- You struggle to decompress
I do struggle to decompress because…#4
- You’re a perfectionist
High achiever is me! And I’m having difficulty as a Caregiver because I don’t feel as if I am successful as a Caregiver. Caregiving is in fact destroying my self-confidence. Because I am so far from being a perfect Caregiver.
- You display people-pleasing behaviors
Doctors say that eldest daughters are known for agreeing with what their parents want. If they were told to do something, they complied. Therefore, as my Mom’s Caregiver I face a daily dilemma of doing things her way (which may be harmful or at the very least unhealthy) because I am a dutiful daughter or doing what I think is best as her Caregiver. And that daily dilemma causes conflict…#6
- There’s discomfort with conflict
I’m ok dealing with general conflict, business conflicts or friendship conflicts; however, conflict with my Mom is hard. Because the actual conflict is internal–between the Caregiver and the Daughter in me.
- You struggle in relationships with people your age
This, I can honestly say, is not a problem for me. I may be the eldest (only) daughter, but my Brothers and I are only a year apart, so I never really was the oldest and wisest sibling.
- You find some emotions difficult to deal with
Suppressing my anger, frustration and guilt is something that I strive to do daily as a Caregiver. It doesn’t always work.
- You have resentment
Eldest daughters, much like Caregivers apparently carry resentment about, “having to be the one to do everything.” And as my Mom’s Caregiver, I do have to do everything.
- You have high anxiety
I am consistently worried about the well-being of my Mother which creates anxiety.
- You experience burnout
Because all of the above is exhausting.
The #1 Tip for People with Eldest Daughter Syndrome
“The No. 1 tip for healing the eldest daughter syndrome is putting self-care first and setting and maintaining boundaries with family,” says the doctor quoted in the article. “Being the best version of ourselves makes us the best person for others.”
Perhaps you have heard that before…
That would be the exact same advice for Caregivers. And take it from the Caregiver with Eldest Daughter Syndrome, it is much easier said than done. I do have to wonder though, if I wasn’t the Eldest Daughter (or in fact the only girl) would I have ended up as my Mother’s Caregiver?
And at this point, does it really even matter?
SISTER SLEDGE – “WE ARE FAMILY”
https://youtu.be/uyGY2NfYpeE?si=9GfFae-XfYJWAY-e
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “A CAREGIVER’S CONFIDENCE”
https://youtu.be/rTwFO6g8Sb8?si=4FxTH1iRKkdkrD9l
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
FUN FACTS ABOUT FAMILY CAREGIVERS – A Caregiver’s Conscience
Interesting how the Dr. Was almost 100% right about the Eldest daughter as Caregiver. Hmmmm.