CAREGIVER’S GUILT
There are many different types of Guilt.
There is “Jewish Guilt” which if categorized by one sentence it would be, “So would it kill you to call your Mother?”
Then there is “Catholic Guilt,” when summarized by the Ten Commandments says, “Honor your (Father) and your Mother, and it shall go well with you all the days of your life.”
The Mother’s everyday guilt reproach sounds a little like, “Well, you finally honor your Mother with a phone call.”
Not sure if you noticed, but in general, guilt seems to involve honoring one’s Mother and a phone call.
Caregiver’s Guilt is all of the above and then some. And Caregiver’s guilt can be easily brought on by the perfectly normal, polite question, “How’s your Mother?”
Miriam-Webster’s definition describes “guilt” as “the feeling of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy,” A common synonym is “Self-Reproach.”
As a Caregiver, I feel guilty from Sun-up to Sundown with a few moments of extreme sadness in between.
I wake up in the morning and immediately realize that I am somewhere that I don’t want to be. I feel guilty because I am here with my Mother, and I know many people who think that they would like to trade places with me.
I go through the day performing Caregiver duties while trying to squelch feelings of bitterness and resentment that consume my Caregiver’s Conscience. And I feel guilty thinking of the situation as a punishment instead of a privilege.
I find myself snapping at my Mother when she asks the same question over and over and over again. I feel guilty when on the fourth or fifth occasion that she asks, I pretend that I don’t hear her.
During certain mealtimes when I don’t feel like cooking, I feel guilty when my Mother’s best option is a gourmet frozen meal. And I’m using the description “gourmet” to make me feel less guilty about not cooking 3 Meals a Day. I do try to purchase the best of the best of the worst…WHATEVER! See I’m feeling guilty writing about the reasons why as a Caregiver, I feel guilty.
When I give my Mom her nightly medication just a tad early in an effort to go to bed as soon as the sun goes down, I feel guilty. But I am just so very tired.
I feel guilty every evening when I use my earbuds to drown out the sound of her TV blasting all night long just in case, they also muffle the sounds of her cries if she needs me.
Before Caregiving, I could honestly say that it was a rare occasion when I felt guilty. Guilt was not an emotion with which I had a strong relationship.
Now, Regrets, Remorse, Self-Reproach is Me. These are feelings which seem to come naturally with Caregiving.
However, I believe that my Testimony and the fact that I honor and actually speak to my Mother each and every day many times throughout the day, will prove me Not Guilty!
Or at least, “Not guilty by reason of insanity.”
“WOULD IT KILL YOU TO CALL” funny…
A CAREGIVER’ S CONSCIENCE – THE BLOG
ALICIA CRETI – “GUILT TRIP:
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE PODCAST
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