A CAREGIVER IN BONDAGE
“I think that Mommy was a Queen in a previous life, and she thinks that we are her Subjects!”
My Brother called me to make that announcement many years ago and it has just recently come back to mind.
As I thought about it, I realized that being a Caregiver is rather like being a “subject.”
The first definition of “subject” is “one that is placed under authority or control such as to a Monarch and governed by the Monarch’s law.” That’s not quite how I feel since my Mother despite her imagination is not a Queen. She’s missing the crown, the robes, and the big chair. Not to mention the birthright.
Perhaps a more accurate description as to how I feel being a Caregiver is “servant.” Miriam Webster’s definition of “servant,” is “one that serves others especially one that performs duties about the person or home of a master or personal employer.”
Synonyms include “flunky” and “lackey” Ok, that’s a tad closer to what I’m feeling. It’s just missing the inference of “bondage.”
“Bondage,” is described as “servitude or subjugation to a controlling person or force.” As a Caregiver, clearly, I am in some sort of bondage with the controlling person being my Mother and the controlling force being Caregiving itself.
Now “bondage” is actually a synonym for “slavery.” Slavery is the state of a person who is held in forced servitude; a situation or practice in which people are entrapped and exploited.
That’s it! Slavery includes the sense of bondage that I feel being my Mom’s Caregiver. I feel entrapped by the situation at hand and exploited by my Mother.
If I were a subject, I would abdicate, resign, and relinquish those duties.
In the Hasbro board game “Clue” the objective is to figure out who committed the crime, where the crime was committed and with what the crime was committed. A very interesting game.
However, the infamous TV Detective “Columbo” would have the clues in these definitions figured out in an instance. The “servant” did it in the bedroom with a pillow.
In most cases, a “slave” must be freed (generally by an outside source) from captivity.
Out of respect for the “subject,” the “servant,” and those unfairly “in-slaved,” I will retain my current title of Caregiver. As a Caregiver can in many ways be described as “all of the above.”
The more I ponder the state of affairs and my Brother’s observation, I can’t help but further think, “if she is a Queen, surely as her children we must be Royalty also–a Prince and a Princess or perhaps even a Duke and a Duchess.”
Albeit Princess or Duchess, this Caregiver feels more like a scullery maid.
“A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE” – THE BLOG
“IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY SET THEM FREE” – STING
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