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BECAUSE I’M NOT 80!

November 1, 2023November 10, 2023

Because I’m not 80!

Since I’ve been here as my Mom’s Caregiver, I have gained considerable insight into the ways and means of the Elderly population.

Throughout my daily routine, I engage in conversations with people the world considers Senior Citizens. And I don’t mean the new version of seniors where 60 is the new 45; and many individuals over 70 have active lifestyles and go looking for love on “The Golden Bachelor.” I am referring to the people you traditionally think of when you think of residents of “an old folks’ home.”

Upon finding myself in these chats, I try desperately to end the conversation before I end up saying, “Because I’m not 80.”

This is a small town where most everyone knows everybody or knows someone who does. And so, people will often say, “Oh you remember so & so, we went to high school together?”

After about 10 minutes of the older person trying to make me remember this individual, I find myself saying, “No I don’t remember so & so because I wasn’t born when you were in high school.”

Or then there’s the person who consistently says, “Well back in the day we used to… You remember?”

Since we are not of the same generation, I’m never quite sure when this “back in the day,” actually was. I follow along as best I can, but invariably the person mentions something of which I’ve never heard.

Music is usually a safe topic as I have an eclectic taste in music that ranges from Classic Rock to Old School Motown to the Grammy hits of today. However, I don’t remember all the dances that were made popular by the songs since “break-dancing” is about as far back as I go. I do recall “the twist,” however, I have never seen an entire room full of dancers doing the twist—not live and in person anyway. Why don’t I remember doing dances such as “the mashed potato,” “the twist,” or “the jerk”—all popular dances in their time. I don’t remember because I’m not 80!

When my Mother wakes me up early to prepare for one of her adventures, I always demand to know why? She typically responds by saying, “I wanted to give you enough time to get ready.”

I can be ready in less than 20 minutes—shower and all. It doesn’t take me an extraordinary amount of time to get ready, since I move a little bit quicker than she does. Why? Because I’m not 80!

And OMG, when one of their cronies passes away, I remain silent when they remark, “Well at our age, you have to expect that people are going to die.” When they make the same comment when one of my peers dies accidentally or totally unexpectedly, I can’t help but be a tad miffed. It is not perfectly normal at my age for people to simply die of old age because I’m not 80.

Then there are the hot & cold seasons. Here in the Senior Living Complex, we have zero control over the thermostat in the unit. The climate is controlled by the management who turns the heat on in the building the day after Summer ends. Needless to say, it is unbearably hot! I can usually be found wearing light cotton leggings and a tank top in order to be comfortable lounging. Who am I kidding? I don’t get to lounge comfortably or any other way! At any rate, my Mother consistently asks if I need a sweater. “Aren’t you cold?” She repeatedly asks.

“No, I’m not cold! I’m actually about to faint from heavy heat exposure. “

“I don’t understand why you’re not cold; you barely have on any clothes.”

I’m uncertain if it’s the medication, or just a phenomenon of getting older that these people seem to be so very cold when the outside temperature is 70 degrees and the temperature indoors is a steady 80 degrees. But the simple answer to my Mom’s sweater suggestion is that I’m not cold when she is feeling a chill. Why?

“Because I’m not 80! “

And when I am 80, I do hope that I don’t annoy a younger generation by including them in mine or consistently referring to a day they don’t remember or people whom they could never have known. In the world in which we live today, we have many examples of people over 80 who lead live, fulfilling, productive lives contributing to the world around them each and every day without hot & cold issues! That’s my plan.

However, not being 80 in the Senior Living Complex does have its benefits.

The day that I burned popcorn and set off the alarm prompting the Fire Department to respond, they did appear happily surprised to see me in an apartment full of smoke.

As the smoke dissipated, I heard one of the Firemen speak into his hand radio, “She’s ok. She knows what’s up—burnt popcorn. And she’s not 80.”

These days, if I burn popcorn, I do so know that a team of gorgeous firemen are coming to the rescue. And I often think of burning popcorn on purpose. Why?

Because I’m not 80!