IN THE HEART OF EVERY AUNT IS A CAREGIVER!
Aunt Bee – “The Andy Griffith Show”
Aunt Dolores. Dolores Aunt. These two women have had a tremendous influence on my life as a Caregiver.
Aunt Dolores was my Mother’s oldest Sibling. And as the oldest of 4 girls and two boys whose parents died when they were young, she felt a tremendous amount of responsibility.
When my Mom’s parents died, she and her siblings were sent to live with Family members. The two boys were split apart and raised by cousins with no children of their own. The Matriarch of the family at that time, Granny, my Mom’s Great Aunt felt that it was important for the girls to stay together. So, she kept them together and raised them alongside her Family, herself. I am told that that’s what Families did “back in the day.” As the youngest girl, my Mother was spoiled and allowed all the privileges that her older sisters were not. It was a role which my Mom has perfected through the years.
Aunt Dolores was the Best Aunt ever. She passed away mere months before I became my Mother’s Caregiver and I miss her more than words can express. Aunt Dolores was the one person in this world who knew my Mother well and who had cared for her the longest. She would totally understand what I am going through.
I also blame Aunt Dolores—just a tad. I hold Aunt Dolores personally responsible for contributing to the development of the person whom I call Mommy. And for leaving me alone to manage her little Sister without her supporting words of wisdom.
One of the last things that Aunt Dolores shared with me was this statement. She said of her Sister,
“I have never been in your Mother’s company for more than 20 minutes when I haven’t wanted to slap her!”
As my Mother’s Caregiver, I understand the sentiment on many levels, and I miss my Aunt Dolores.
Dolores Aunt was my father’s sister’s (my Aunt’s) best friend for over 70 years; therefore, she knew of me before I entered this world to become me. Over the last few years, we formed a stronger bond and became confidants. My Brother and I call her Dolores Aunt so as not to confuse her with my Mom’s Sister, Aunt Dolores.
As I became my Mother’s Caregiver, Dolores Aunt realized that she too was in need of a Caregiver. It was arranged for a friend of a friend of the family, Sabrina, to provide care. Sabrina initially began caring for Dolores Aunt a couple of days a week which very quickly turned into the entire week excluding the weekend.
Dolores Aunt, much like my Mother was in denial about her needs and the activities in which she could no longer participate alone. We had many discussions on this topic.
Since she was a world-renowned Psychologist, simple discussions with Dolores Aunt often turned into a debate or psychological challenge.
She would call me to discuss various things such as:
- Should she remodel her Patient’s Zen room in order that Sabrina could have a bedroom and not sleep on the sofa. Mind you, she was no longer seeing patients at this time.
- Whether or not she should be a tad miffed because Sabrina had made some additions to the Guest Bathroom (which she never used) in order to feel more comfortable
- Should they take the New York Subway, or a Taxi as Sabrina suggested to Grand Central Station
- Should she speak to Sabrina about drinking the last of a bottle of Wine
Dolores Aunt would open the conversations with, “I just want to share something with you, and I would like your thoughts.”
As a Caregiver myself, I totally sympathized with Sabrina on pretty much everything, but I had to express my opinions carefully. I often used myself and my situation with my Mother to illustrate the Caregiver’s point of view. Dolores Aunt was generally receptive of my advice which was never positioned as advice but as a short story of how my life would be easier if things were different. Different as in whatever Sabrina was proposing at the moment.
I of course did not hesitate to express my opinion about the wine.
“Wine is a necessity as a Caregiver, and you should seriously consider providing Sabrina with a case of Wine!”
Those conversations were spirited, informative and provided a great sense of comfort.
Dolores Aunt had a stroke and took a fall over a Holiday weekend when Sabrina was away. She passed away at home with her Caregiver who had become her friend by her bedside.
Before she died, she gave me advice based on her professional opinion.
She simply said, “Save Yourself!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUiAaTpXtzA
“MeTV Presents The Best of Aunt Bee”
AUNT JEMIMA – “PANCAKES & SYRUP”
Auntie Em – “The Wizard of Oz”
Aunt Clara – “Bewitched”
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I enjoyed reading.
Great Read, Thanks for sharing!
I loved reading this Cuz! I miss my nana, Aunt Dolores.
If Miriam Webster’s Dictionary included a picture along with the definition of “Caregiver,” it would be of Aunt Dolores, aka Nana. She was the ultimate Caregiver.
Brilliant and incredibly descriptive writing…