AM I IN YOUR WAY?
“Am I in your way?”
“Am I in your way,” my Mother asked as she stood in place with her walker.
“Am I in your way?” she asks in a clueless tone as she completely blocks the walkway between the living room and the Bathroom.
“Am I in your way?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?” I ponder to myself as she stares at me like I am an exhibit at a Museum.
My Mother has an odd habit of staring. Sometimes when I am trying to get just a few more minutes of sleep, I can feel her staring at me.
How do I know that she is staring at me, you may wonder. I can actually feel her eyes burning a hole through me. I lift up my eye shades just a bit to see that I am indeed correct. She is standing a few feet from my bed staring at me. Not only is that annoying, but it is also rather creepy
At this moment she is staring at me as I stand waiting to make my way towards the bathroom.
“Am I in your way?”
At this point I am beginning to do the Caregiver’s “Got to Go” dance thinking that if she doesn’t move out of the way, I may just “Pee in Place!”
“Am I in your way?”
“I have to go to the Bathroom Mommy!” I say in a slightly raised perturbed tone!
“Oh,” she says and still remains standing in the exact same spot.
“Ma, could you please move out of the way! I have to go to the Bathroom.”
She slowly shuffles her feet and begins to move her walker into the kitchen to prepare her morning coffee. Pushing the button on the Keurig Coffee Machine is one of the few activities she accomplishes on her own. Mind you, she simply has to push the button as I have previously prepared a coffee cup complete with sugar and a stirring spoon and placed it under the spout.
I rushed past her, hitting my little toe on the wheel of the walker, and ran into the bathroom.
“Am I in your way?”
“Your mere existence is in my way!” The words exploded in my head but did not pass my lips,
And that is actually the crux of the matter.
She is in my way.
Being a Caregiver in my mind is standing in the way of me living my own life.
Allowing her to remain in her own home is in the way of me living where I would rather live in Los Angeles, 3754 miles away.
Living here with her prevents me from obtaining any true rest.
Preparing her meals, cleaning up her mess, and fulfilling her every wish, does not allow me to spend my days in the manner which I chose.
Administering the daily activities of her life, is hindering me from running my own life. I barely have time to check my emails.
Making sure that I do the little things that make her more comfortable takes time away from me being Creative.
Being my Mother’s Caregiver has put the Kybosh on me being myself.
“Am I in your way?”
The answer to that question is a simple, loud, emphatic—YES!
You are most definitely in my way!
And so, says the voice of my Caregiver’s Conscience.
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE – THE PODCAST
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A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE
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