CONTROL AND DENIAL
If elderly people would accept the fact that they need help
Graciously accept the help that is given to them
And were grateful for that help
Their lives would be a whole lot different….
CONTROL
My Mother is the youngest girl of six siblings. She has always been the youngest, the smallest and the cutest. Her Siblings spoiled her in a manner that is still visible to this day.
When my parents divorced, my Mom was granted sole custody of the children. She had total responsibility for making decisions and providing for all of our needs. She made the decisions about our education, our extra-curricular activities, what we wore, ate and to some degree who are friends were. She was the Boss of us!
Before receiving her master’s degree, she was An Executive Assistance to the Director of a Nonprofit National Community Organization. Anyone who spent anytime in Corporate America knows, that the “right hand” of the person in charge is in fact in control of most situations.
As the Founder and Executive Director of the Cultural Arts Center even with a Staff and Board of Directors, my Mother was totally in control.
My Mom is used to being in control and is finding it difficult if not impossible to understand that she is no longer in control.
DENIAL
Which brings us to “denial.”
I am a Caregiver for an individual who is in denial about needing care. My Mom lives in an independent living complex for Seniors. After multiple strokes, she is allowed to remain in her home because I AM HERE PROVIDING CARE FOR HER DAILY LIVING!
Due to the fact that I am not a Senior, I had to get special dispensation to remain here. That required notes from her Primary Care Physician in addition to revealing the details of my life as if I was in fact applying to live here. That process was unnerving and deeply affected my psyche. Unnerving because at that time, I was in denial about being a Caregiver and this small town is on the top of my list of places I don’t want to live.
Although I am in the town where I was born and spent my teenage years, it is not the city where I built a life. I left here to go to the University of Michigan, and I never looked back. After college, I ran from the Midwest to Los Angeles—where I think of as home. This is not where I want to be!
But I am not in denial anymore and so I realize that as my Mom’s Caregiver, this is where I am required to be at this time because my Mother needs me.
However, my Mother is in denial about her basic needs. She needs my assistant to do 98% of the things that she does. From reminding her to take her medication to helping her fasten her bra to cooking and managing her finances. She is able to shower, handle her personal hygiene and feed herself—the 2% of activities in which I am not actively involved.
But if you were to ask her, she would tell you that she can take care of herself insinuating that I am simply in the way.
She cannot walk without a walker or stand for longer that 5 minutes at a time. Those two constraints alone prohibit cleaning, shopping, washing the dishes and a variety of other daily Caregiver activities. She is easily distracted mainly by the television which makes cooking dangerous and has lost the ability to use the computer. Although she cannot operate her Smartphone, she insists on having one instead of a Flip Phone designed for older people with issues. Her use of the Smartphone requires hours of assistance from me. The degree of denial is intense.
CONTOL & DENIAL
The moral of this story is…
As a Caregiver I cannot be in Denial that I am in Control!
“CONTROL” – JANET JACKSON
https://www.caregiversconscience.com/if-only/
“IF ONLY”
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Jitterbug Phones for Seniors
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