POSTS

A CAREGIVER’S CONFIDENCE

June 12, 2024

I have always been confident. I have always been successful. I set goals and then do what needs to be done to achieve them. I have been that person for as long as I can remember.

Caregiving has changed all that!

Caregiving has Crushed my Confidence.

I graduated on the Honor Roll in High School, the Dean’s list in College; and at the peak of my Career, I was described as “the Michael Jordan of Automotive Marketing.” I play 2 win. Or at least I used to.

Failure was not an option for Business-Me. My Boss once wrote that on an employee evaluation when describing my abilities.

Caregiver-Me has a very different success rate.

Caregiving makes me feel like a failure. A feeling that I am truly not used to. Consequently, I am angry, frustrated and extremely disappointed.

I am disappointed in me.

I’m not Rocking the Caregiver Roll.

As a Caregiver, I feel in-adequate.

I never seem to do anything right—and by right, I mean making things easier for myself and comfortable for my Mom.

At the very moment when I figure out the best, the easiest and the faster way to handle a situation, things change. It’s like on-the-job training working in a position where the job description changes constantly and there is no assistance.

I feel totally incompetent and not qualified to hold this position. I am a successful, experienced Marketing Professional; however, as a Caregiver, I feel neither successful nor experienced. My only solace is that most Family Caregivers are in the same boat. The majority of Family Caregivers have no medical training and formerly worked in a very different field.

In addition to being totally inexperienced, and lacking in certain skills, I don’t have the right attitude. I don’t really want to be a Caregiver so to say that I have a less than positive outlook on the job duties would be an understatement.

On top of that, my Mother rarely provides positive feedback.

For instance, I do genuinely love to cook. Although I have come to view preparing “3 Meals a Day” a chore, I still find some joy in creating and cooking special dishes. One such dish is “Paella” a Spanish Rice Dish. The last time I prepared Paella, my Mother actually said, “You know this dish is better at the restaurant Spain.” Now I’ve failed at preparing the “3 Meals a Day.”

If my Mom was a tad more mobile, I think that she would walk around the rooms with a white glove to inspect my cleaning. While Housekeeping is not my “best” event, it is also not my worst. I never had a problem keeping my house clean. Caregiving makes me feel like a constant failure mostly because there is ALWAYS something to be cleaned.

It’s not that I have to be the best at everything I do, it’s that I would like to see some manner of accomplishment for my hard work. And I do work hard—physically, mentally and emotionally—I work hard to be a good Caregiver.

Not receiving any kudos and I literally mean “the word kudos” for my efforts is really destroying my confidence. I’m not a good Caregiver. Daily, I don’t even feel like I’m a good daughter. Another failure.

As a Caregiver I am lacking in Confidence.

And I don’t know what to do to get it back.

I guess I’m an over-achiever and I’m looking for the success with which I’m familiar. I’m looking for a promotion, financial acknowledgement (like a pay raise or payment period), or at least a Gold Star.

I really would like to feel like less of a failure. I would really like to feel more like me.

I would like to be a Confident Caregiver.