2-Hour Curfew
2 Hours—that is about all the time that I take away from my Mom. And it is not 2 hours each day away from my Caregiver responsibilities. It’s that I only feel comfortable being away 2 hours whenever I am away. And it is not really that often.
2 hours is just enough time to catch up with my friend Shirley who I see about every six weeks or so. We usually grab a coffee and chat. And about 90 minutes into our time together, I begin thinking, “I should be getting back to my Mother.” And so, I generally return about 2 hours after leaving.
2 hours gives me enough time to hang out with one of my coolest Cousins every other Friday. We have tried to establish a routine where we get together on Fridays. We may run errands, get a quick bite to eat or stop by Happy Hour at a local establishment. My Mom is my Cousin’s favorite Aunt on this side of the Family. Ok, she is the only remaining Aunt. My Mom is the last survivor of her Siblings although she is also the youngest. The fact that my Mother is the youngest of her Siblings is a story in itself.
Anyway, my Cousin understands what I’m going through being my Mother’s Caregiver, mainly because she hears about it for 2 hours every other Friday. And so being the good Cousin that she is, she makes a point to get me out as often as possible.
2 hours is also enough time to have lunch and gossip with my Auntie. That is always a good time; however, we’ve only managed to get together a couple of times during this whole time that I’ve been a Caregiver.
The thing is, it may sound easy enough, but it is actually very difficult to find 2 convenient hours to get away and to coordinate those hours with someone else’s schedule.
It is also hard to ignore my Conscience. Should I have left my Mother? What is she going to spill or drop while I am gone? What if she falls and can’t get up? Is she able to microwave the homemade dinner that I have packaged in convenient containers? What if….
So as these thoughts whirl about through my mind, I still feel as if I’m home with my Mother even though I may be physically away from her presence. Therefore, actually enjoying the 2 hours away from being a Caregiver, is not always an option. Mainly because being a Caregiver is not a job that is best left at the office at the end of the day.
As I mentioned before, being a Caregiver is a 24/7 occupation. It permeates every aspect of my life.
2 hours is just enough time to avoid receiving a phone call from my Mom. You know the call. The call you get when you are 17 and you have taken the car to meet your friends or your boyfriend whom she hates. She calls and asks ever so sweetly, “When are you coming home?” She calls and my conscience will not allow me to send the call directly to voicemail. What if it’s an emergency? Any good time that I may be enjoying is ruined by a phone call reminding me that I am a Caregiver who is expected to be at home giving care. Since I am not 17 and I am essentially “grounded” anyway, the 2-hour curfew just helps to avoid another annoyance.
Although there are a number of things one can do in 2 hours, there are also many things where it is time prohibited. For instance, “dinner and a movie,” or “date night,” are hard to squeeze into a 2-hour time constraint. So, as you can imagine my social life as a Caregiver is non-existent!!!
2 hours is definitely NOT enough time to catch up on much needed sleep. I never was any good at taking “power” knaps. And after being up all night long – 2 hours’ worth of sleep is just a tease.
I know that it is important to take time out for myself. I’m just having an extremely hard time figuring out exactly how to do that. I feel guilty leaving my Mother knowing the possibilities of what mischief she may encounter while I am gone and thinking about what I may have to clean up when I return. I continually worry while she is home alone. I cannot seem to turn my mind off and ignore my Caregiver’s Conscience.
In an effort to “take care of Me,” and be the best that I can be, I do really try to make an effort to take time away every once and awhile. I just have a Caregiver’s Conscience-imposed 2-hour curfew.
Although is it really a self-imposed time limit if my Mother calls me after 2 hours to see how close I am to home?
0