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CAREGIVING IN SENIOR LIVING

January 22, 2025

NOT LIKE THE OTHERS – CAREGVING IN SENIOR LIVING

When it was clear that my Mother could not live alone, I asked her what she wanted to do.

She quickly replied, “I want to stay in my home.”

The home that my Mother was referring to was not our childhood home. It was not the home my Mother purchased when she was flexing her independent muscles after the divorce. We, my Brothers and I, left that home when we went off to pursue our adult lives. This was the home she had made for herself in the Independent Senior Living Complex.

This home was never “my” home. However, this was the home where circumstances mandated that I become her Caregiver.

The thing about the Senior Living Complex—well there are many things about the Senior Living Complex. The main thing is that the Complex comes complete with an Elderly population and the appropriate rules and regulations for Seniors.

Everyday I painfully realize, “That one of these things is not like the others.” You may remember that game or exercise from your childhood. You look at a drawing, a group of words, or a variety of objects and are challenged to determine which one of these things does not belong with the others.

In the Fairy tales, it is the Ugly Duckling that turns out to be a Swan which does not belong. Here, in the Senior Living Complex, the thing that does not belong is clearly, ME!

It is not that I mind in the least not being like the others. It is simply that I really do not fit in here.

For example, when walking through the Lobby where a core group of older women congregate, I am often asked, “Aren’t you cold?” or “Don’t you think you should wear a jacket?”

Obviously, I am not cold, or I would have put on a jacket before going outside.

And if they are not inquiring about my destination or attire, they are asking the perfectly normal yet extremely annoying question of “How’s your Mother?”

I often find myself using the stairs or ducking back into the elevator in order to avoid such encounters.

One of these things is not like the other!

When I am simply taking a short break to listen to tunes with my earbuds, I invariably run into someone who appears to be shouting when trying to engage in conversation. I have determined that these people perceive my earbuds as hearing aids; thus, motivating them to speak loudly.

When that happens, I often find myself shaking my head, “NO,” pointing to my phone and my earbuds while waving my arms. I do this to point out that I am either on the phone or listening to music. That works with the 70-year-old group. Everyone else just seems to speak louder. Meanwhile, I must look just a little crazy.

There are some positive things about Senior Living. My Mother is living amongst her peers, and they tend to look out for each other. Although what they refer to as “looking out,” I would characterize their behavior as “nosey little old ladies minding everyone else’s business.” As they tend to look after each other in a curious, intrusive manner.

I understand that I feel this way because I’m used to Neighbors who acknowledge each other with a slight smile and saying, “Hey, how’s it going?” without really expecting a long conversation about how things are going.

One of these things is not like the other.

Then, there is the extremely high mortality rate. I guess that is to be expected; however, the multitude of deaths impacts my state of mind. Where I formerly resided, the death toll was non-existent or at least not updated regularly.

The greatest advantage to being here in Senior Living is the fine Firemen who respond to the “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up” or the super sensitive fire alarms.

Flirting with the Firemen is so much safer than hearing the 90-year-old neighbor say, “Whenever I see you, my heart goes aflutter.”

I’m sure it’s meant as a compliment however, I fear that one of these times that his heart “goes aflutter” he may have a heart attack.

One of these things is not like the other.

I could go on and on pointing out obvious examples but…

No need.

As a Caregiver in the Senior Living Complex, the object that does not belong in the picture–the one thing that is not like the others, is most definitely me.