A BLESSING & A CURSE
As a Caregiver, I do realize that I have a lot of Blessings. There are many things about the current situation that are indeed something to be Thankful for.
The odd thing about that is that those very same Blessings can also be considered a curse.
For instance, my Mother is in her right mind. I am Blessed that she is not suffering from severe Dementia or Alzheimer’s. I have compassion for Caregivers who have to deal with those illnesses, and I am grateful that I do not.
The fact that my Mom is as completely in her right mind as she can be at the present time (age/strokes) allows her to be very decisive about her wants and needs. She also has a quick wit which leads to smartass remarks and sometimes hurtful comments. She definitely knows how to push my buttons and often proceeds to do just that.
My Mother is able to complete her personal hygiene routine daily with little to no assistance from me—a Blessing. However, it takes her an extraordinary amount of time to do so. Since there is only one Ladie’s Room, I have begun to wonder if I should wear Depends as I always seem to “have to go” while she is in the bathroom.
I do enjoy cooking; however, I have come to view preparing her three meals a day as just another chore. Since she has no issues with her tastebuds; she can be extremely particular and critical of those meals.
I know that the fact that she is mobile with the assistance of a Walker is indeed a Blessing. I do not have to manage her comings and goings with a wheelchair, and I do not have to do a great deal of physical lifting. The thing is that that very same mobility keeps me on high alert for slips, stumbles and falls.
My Mother is alert and aware except when she is pretending that she doesn’t understand what I am saying. The curse is that she is alert, aware and even critical of most EVERYTHING I say and do. And just try to have a private telephone conversation under those conditions.
Despite several strokes, my Mom is exactly the same person in terms of character and personality. She is the youngest Sibling and continues to act as such even though she is the last Sibling alive. She is an entitled spoiled brat. It could be worse, at least I can say, “She’s just the same!” Although what if the strokes had affected the side of her brain that would turn her into a nice sweet little old lady—now that could be a Blessing, but I probably wouldn’t recognize her.
Mommy has always had this thing about her age. Growing up we never really knew how old she was. And she raised us to believe that it didn’t matter. As a Family, we don’t generally look our age. Most of us appear at least 5-10 years younger than we are—including my Mother.
Several years ago, long before I became a Caregiver my Father asked me how old my Mother was. When I responded telling him that I really didn’t know exactly, he said, “Don’t you think that it might be important for you to know how old your Mother is?”
When I repeated the story to my Mother she said, “He didn’t tell you how old I am did he?”
“No, he didn’t,” I answered.
Her face literally lit up as she smiled ear to ear and said, “I know that’s right!” My Parents have been divorced since I was ten years old.
My Mother’s denial of her true age is a Blessing. She looks great for her true age. She does have her mental faculties, and she still has a style that other women envy. The challenge (the curse) is that she is consistently trying to keep up with herself as she sees herself at the age she admits to. And that is actually physically impossible.
There are no problems with my Mom’s memory, and I am so very Thankful for that Blessing. She is completely aware of who I am; thus, she treats me like her Child. That’s exaggerating just a tad; she treats me like a Teenager.
I once told my Mother that if a day comes when she does not remember me, I am “OUT!”
I really am extremely grateful for all the Blessings. I do realize that without those Blessings, things could and would be worse. My Caregiver Challenge is to remember that behind everything that I may perceive as a curse is truly a Blessing.
Blessings and Curses—sometimes in Caregiving the lines get blurred.
MAFFIO, KYMANI MARLEY, JULIAN MARLEY – “BLESSINGS”
https://youtu.be/8Sc5yOzrNDM?si=MX62KypZIEmFdfT6
A CAREGIVER’S CONSCIENCE PODCAST – “PRIVILEGE OR PUNNISHMENT”
https://youtu.be/fhfqjXF3vQY?si=1APGCeAEZf-Y52OC
THE CAREGIVER’S PENANCE – A Caregiver’s Conscience
Two things can be true at once. To whom an when should people reveal their born date?
I agree. As for when one’s date of birth needs to be revealed–according to my Mother–NEVER! 🤣🤣